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So I've noticed that even when it's 30* outside and there's dew on
my car, right after I turn my car on a fan kicks on.. It's hella loud, and
I've been wondering if it's my coolant fan.. Which is odd cuz my car is
already cold enough, right?

is the defrost on? cause that will pull the fan on almost immediately.

^ what he said. Or if your A/C is turned on, even if its set to hot temperature.

i'll have to check that but I think it kicks on before I can even think to turn the heater/ac on lol

If you set the fan speed to zero, the A/C clutch/fan will not cycle even if the selector is in defrost. Or you could just pull the fan relay from the PDC, to confirm/eliminate that is whats making the noise.