decisions decisions just wanted someone elses opinion

glasswars · Post by **glasswars** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 10:00 am

TNK wrote:uh oh. i said i wasnt going to get involved... but look what a few beers do to me!

do you get drunk just to get on the internet!?!?

heyitsstock · Post by **heyitsstock** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 10:56 am

alright well how about this for encouragement...

this girl im starting to see has a year old baby. father took off.... so shes taking 12 college creds(non online), and working full time at two jobs...
and she still has time to see me....

sounds impossible i kno believe me, but its tru

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:41 pm

heyitsstock wrote:alright well how about this for encouragement...

this girl im starting to see has a year old baby. father took off.... so shes taking 12 college creds(non online), and working full time at two jobs...
and she still has time to see me....

sounds impossible i kno believe me, but its tru

pretty impressive

ive been looking online about the military, looks interesting, i think shes going to write her parents a note because shes scared to tell them to there face, i said i would tell them to there face with her but she wants to write a note and not be there when they read it. i told her whichever she thinks is best i will help her do. i hope this works out good

Frizbe · Post by **Frizbe** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:06 pm

lvlistchif wrote:i think shes going to write her parents a note because shes scared to tell them to there face, i said i would tell them to there face with her but she wants to write a note and not be there when they read it. i told her whichever she thinks is best i will help her do. i hope this works out good

It won't be good if she thinks cowering behind a note will make things easier, it will in all likly hood make things worse when her parents confront both of you about it, it would be a better decision to just tell them Man-to-Man.

MoxHair · Post by **MoxHair** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 3:19 pm

I agree with the VDub dude..

Plus you could need their help in the future and a Note is like writing them off.

Post by **racer12306** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 5:47 pm

Im not going to say whether I am pro-choice or pro-life, it doesn't matter in this situation.

I was going to write a response to your original post first, but your most recent post caught my eye.

Tell both of your parents person to person. It will not make things better to write a note, the sooner both of you realize that the better. They will be pissed, no doubt about that. But, give them time and they will be ok. That baby will be their grandchild and they will love it to no end. I know, I have seen this scenario in person. Having your parents involved will be the best decision you can make. They will support you, if they don't I truly feel for you.

It is good that you already understand that the car comes last, as does anything you will want to do until you are financially stable to support the kid and your hobbies. Just remember it could be a while.

Things you MUST ask yourself...

1. Will we be ok with an abortion?
- Think about this long and hard, talk about this long and hard. Maybe even talk to your parents about this. Its that big of a decision, as you already know.

2. How will we feel about giving up our baby for adoption?
- Pregnancy is a long process. It maybe hard but think about how it will be for you, and probably moreso for her. She carried a being in her body for almost 10 months. She will feel a strong connection with it before it is even born. It may be better to consider an abortion early as it may be harder for her to give up the baby after it is born.

3. If we keep the baby, how will we manage?
- It appears as though you are already checking into the military as an option. That is a good option. But, whatever branch you choose (if you go that way) be prepared to go to war. You have to accept that as a part of the job. Other things you can check into is hard manual labor jobs. They may suck, but many times they pay well. If there is something that interests you and there happens to be a certificate program at a local community college; persue that. Certificate programs are generally shorter than two year degrees, and you could probably do it in the evening while working at an intermediate job. If you go this route, check into as many federal and state grants and scholarships as possible, this will make it a little easier.

You need to make the decision that will make the two of you most comfortable. You parents should support you with any decision you make. Yes, the two of you fucked up but now you have to make the right decision for the two of you, its harsh but it is the truth.

Good Luck with whatever decision you make.

TNK · Post by **TNK** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:13 pm

glasswars wrote:
TNK wrote:uh oh. i said i wasnt going to get involved... but look what a few beers do to me!
do you get drunk just to get on the internet!?!?

1. wasnt drunk.

2. no, i just checked the boards before i went to bed.

MoxHair · Post by **MoxHair** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:29 pm

^ I thought you were always Drunk.. it was like your Angle or something..

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 8:57 pm

racer12306 wrote: - It appears as though you are already checking into the military as an option. That is a good option. But, whatever branch you choose (if you go that way) be prepared to go to war.

It's not like everyone thinks.. I'm a Vehicle Operator.. we do 8 month Convoy duty runs with the Army.. A good portion of the other jobs in the Air Force... (most of them) go for around 4 months and do their regular job on a base in the sand box... so it's nothing really to sweat..

I've been in a little over 2 years. (Just put E-4 on last thursday btw

) I have yet to go... but I'm sure I'll go soon.... and I accept that fact. I'll also accept the extra bank I'll make while I'm over there

Post by **racer12306** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:04 pm

LowNSlow wrote:
racer12306 wrote: - It appears as though you are already checking into the military as an option. That is a good option. But, whatever branch you choose (if you go that way) be prepared to go to war.

It's not like everyone thinks.. I'm a Vehicle Operator.. we do 8 month Convoy duty runs with the Army.. A good portion of the other jobs in the Air Force... (most of them) go for around 4 months and do their regular job on a base in the sand box... so it's nothing really to sweat..

I've been in a little over 2 years. (Just put E-4 on last thursday btw ) I have yet to go... but I'm sure I'll go soon.... and I accept that fact. I'll also accept the extra bank I'll make while I'm over there

i know in certain situations chances a low of going, but he would just have to remember that it is a possibility, thats all i was saying.

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:07 pm

Yep, wasn't saying you're wrong... just saying it's not as bad as everyone makes it sound.

neonpla · Post by **neonpla** » Wed Dec 06, 2006 1:19 am

LowNSlow wrote:Yep, wasn't saying you're wrong... just saying it's not as bad as everyone makes it sound.

Exactly, not everyone is in the shit over there, you only hear the bad news, for example im a IT guy, i make sure the computers work is what i do, i mean it's still dangerous but i love my job and my unit is scheduled to go late 07/early 08 time period and i honestly am looking forward to it.

i love serving my country.

dblsg · Post by **dblsg** » Wed Dec 06, 2006 11:23 am

me personally, i would keep the child... my doughter was born at 25 weeks, she was 1 lb and 12 oz. she basically fit in the palm of my hand and let me tell you that there is no greater pain in life than knowing that your child may not make it. i wish coustic could be on-line as he lost his doughter and could share a different side of the story.

the way i see it, children are a blessing, not a RIGHT that we have... who knows if you will ever get a chance to have another one. i had a friend who had multiple abortions and when she tried to get pregnant she couldn't... her merriege failed after a few years and now lives in depression and all alone.

be a man about your actions... its tame to GROW UP.

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 1:06 pm

had another question....
ok we went to a counselor with my dad, her mom + dad, me and her and everyone in the meeting besides my dad was against it, my dad was neutral saying he'll support us either way, her parents were saying, either you get an abortion and we will give you counseling so you dont get depressed and we will be there for you or, if you keep the baby were not paying for your insurance, your not living here and we wont help you with anything. the counselor was leaning towards how bad it was and not really giving us solutions. so i flipped and me and my g/f left. my dads cool about it, but her parents keep badgering us about how bad it is and how its not going to work and how they think were stupid and dont know what were getting into and all this, so i didnt want to hear it and as i said i flipped and left with my g/f. now we have been looking up tons of programs that will help us but they tell us how programs wont work. i know ultimately its our decision what happens but this looks like its not gonna turn out to be what we expected. her parents say they "support" us but what they mean to say is they support us if they like what they do. my dad says he will help us however much he can and dosent matter what decision we make. idk im just upset and typeing. im not really asking a question but more like wondering some advice. thank you so much and were both really stressed out, any advice would be REALLY apreciated.

dblsg · Post by **dblsg** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 1:46 pm

well, from my experience... the grandparents end up loving the grandchild at the end. it is a hard time and you will go through even harder ones at some point. thats what life is... your dad seems like a good person, he is there to help you out so take advantage of it. and i'm not talking about financial help. go talk to him...

kc2005ptgt · Post by **kc2005ptgt** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 2:23 pm

I am not even going to read the entire post, I read a few and said, "you know what, he really just wants some advice."

So let me share with you from personal experience directly related to your situation: After I graduated HS I was dating a girl a year younger than me. I was at college, she was back in KC. We did the long distance thing, it kind of worked, but then one night she called while I was at college and told me she was pregnant. It was right before finals so I told her we would talk when I got home. After finals I loaded up, went home and told her that I think we should get an abortion, but I had no money to pay for it. She called her older sister up in Iowa and she came down and paid for it. A few months later we broke up, and I so wrapped up in myself never once thought about that unborn child of mine.

I ended going through the next few years totally supressing any memory of what happened - then I met a girl, I was 21, she was 17.

We hooked up one night at a party and that was it - she got pregnant. Two weeks later she told me about and we didn't know what to do. So we took our mothers out to dinner one night and announced our situation. Immediately my life changed. I tried really hard to keep jobs, make payments, prepare for the baby while she tried to stay healthy. She almost lost her life as well as the babies over 4 times. Long story short, we never were able to keep our relationship alive, but the baby came and was healthy. I never saw him after he turn 2 months old because she took off across country with some guy when she was 18.

By them time he was 3, I finally met him. In between that time I was in rehab 4 times, in the icu 3 times, and in a psych hospital twice. No poor me stories, just what I learned; life is hard, and we have to own up to the choices we make. We decide to have sex and risk pregnancy. We decide to drink we risk injury. We drive we risk death. We do drugs, we risk addiction, death, OD, murder... the lists go on. I hope you understand what I am saying. My sons mother has 4 kids with 4 different dads now while I have just the one. I finally learned that the result of sex, whether protected or not results in the possibility of new life. My personal experience with abortion just made me dead inside, while my experience with life made me feel alive yet lost without my child - I looked everywhere to fill that void until he came back to me, but by then I was a full blown addict. I am now healed from that and get to see my child every week, whenever I want to and I take advantage of it now!!!

It is NOT easy to raise a child, whether "now-a-days" or 100 years ago. Bringing a life into the world requires dedication, commitment, money, and most importantly the ability to keep pressing in no matter how hard it gets. A child is awesome, they really are. Little bundles of joy, yes, a headache, yes, but the first time they look at you and say I love you, you really get the sense of what love truely is, and nothing can ever replace that or fill it.

My advice, seach your heart, block out what the people closest to you are saying because most likely they are more concerned about YOU presently than you, your g/f, and the child. Your dad being neutral is great, which is how my mom was, and she absolutely did everything she could to help. Her mother, even though she hated me, loved the baby too and helped out as much as possible. Talk to each other, share your plans and future together and find out what each one of you wants. It is not impossible to have a life with a baby, just harder!

Good luck, I hope you make the right decision.

dblsg · Post by **dblsg** » Sat Dec 09, 2006 6:06 pm

^

now that was deep

bige1030 · Post by **bige1030** » Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:21 am

lvlistchif wrote:my dad was neutral saying he'll support us either way, her parents were saying, either you get an abortion and we will give you counseling so you dont get depressed and we will be there for you or, if you keep the baby were not paying for your insurance, your not living here and we wont help you with anything.

Her parents drive a hard bargain here. If you guys keep the baby, you could ask your dad if he would let your girlfriend live with you guys. He might just agree...especially if it's for the sake of the baby.

lvlistchif wrote:the counselor was leaning towards how bad it was and not really giving us solutions. now we have been looking up tons of programs that will help us but they tell us how programs wont work.

Try counseling with a different counselor, preferably a social worker. This kind of thing is their forte, and the good ones really do care about making a difference in people's lives.

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Mon Dec 11, 2006 1:24 am

Military.

Dew it.