Joke time

Pretty much what the title says, all off-topic related posts can be posted here to share with everyone.
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Joke time

Post by JRM » Sat Jan 27, 2007 6:06 am

A man was being tailgated by a stressed out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, finger printed, photographed, and placed in a holding cell. After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper Sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk. Naturally, I assumed you had stolen the car."

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Post by yellowpatrol » Sat Jan 27, 2007 10:58 am

Haha. OWNAGE
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Post by Marthby » Sat Jan 27, 2007 1:56 pm

Road rage = bad! LOLZ :wink:
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Post by glasswars » Sun Jan 28, 2007 1:03 am

Can't blame her, I hate people that don't go.. ;)
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Post by Mr Josh Zombie » Mon Jan 29, 2007 9:10 am

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

that's great!
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Post by TNK » Mon Jan 29, 2007 3:01 pm

:rofl:
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TheRandom1 wrote:My true opinion here is that the only time rubber should be stretched is when it's going over a penis.

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Post by graf AXEL » Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:10 pm

:lol: :rofl:
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Post by rOniN » Mon Jan 29, 2007 5:51 pm

Go road rage!
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Post by racer12306 » Mon Jan 29, 2007 8:15 pm

thats hilarious

:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Post by Midnight_Rider » Tue Jan 30, 2007 12:40 am

Not so hilarious when you encounter people like that daily on your job. :x
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Post by TNK » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:18 am

quit bitchin gramops :lol:


*insert "when i was your age" story here*
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TheRandom1 wrote:My true opinion here is that the only time rubber should be stretched is when it's going over a penis.

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Post by JRM » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:29 am

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person.

Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humor!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little sh*t on your knee."
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Post by TNK » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:30 am

:rofl:
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TheRandom1 wrote:My true opinion here is that the only time rubber should be stretched is when it's going over a penis.

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Post by JRM » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:35 am

I was going down the highway doing 70.
A highway patrolman pulled out, lights flashing.
I put the pedal to the floor and found out my truck would only go 85.
So I pulled over.
The trooper walked up and asked why I tried to run.
I replied "My wife left me for a state trooper, I was worried that you were bringing her back!"
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Post by TNK » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:36 am

:rofl:
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TheRandom1 wrote:My true opinion here is that the only time rubber should be stretched is when it's going over a penis.

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Post by Marthby » Tue Jan 30, 2007 1:17 pm

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: ecks dee!
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Post by TNK » Tue Jan 30, 2007 2:57 pm

^:wtf:
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TheRandom1 wrote:My true opinion here is that the only time rubber should be stretched is when it's going over a penis.

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Post by kc2005ptgt » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:21 pm

that first joke, I heard before - funny thing is, I heard it at church. The pastor told us if we have road rage, we need to take off all the stickers, etc... :lol:
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Post by JRM » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:23 pm

kc2002acr wrote:that first joke, I heard before - funny thing is, I heard it at church. The pastor told us if we have road rage, we need to take off all the stickers, etc... :lol:
:rofl:

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Post by TNK » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:33 pm

:lol:
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TheRandom1 wrote:My true opinion here is that the only time rubber should be stretched is when it's going over a penis.

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Post by JRM » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:36 pm

kc2002acr wrote:that first joke, I heard before - funny thing is, I heard it at church. The pastor told us if we have road rage, we need to take off all the stickers, etc... :lol:
I wish I had a cool pastor like yours... :lol:

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Post by kc2005ptgt » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:40 pm

:lol:

He's really freakin smart - got 2 bachelor's degrees, can speak and write fluently in hebrew and greek, masters in philosophy and doctorate in theology.

He's pretty cool. Oh, and he likes to race bicycles. :? Oh well, we all have our downfalls. :lol: j/k
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Post by JRM » Tue Jan 30, 2007 4:43 pm

nice pic lol


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Post by Midnight_Rider » Sun Feb 04, 2007 2:08 pm

TNK wrote:quit bitchin gramops :lol:


*insert "when i was your age" story here*
Nah, that would be too predictable. :lol:
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Post by bige1030 » Mon Feb 05, 2007 12:02 am

jrm868s wrote:nice pic lol


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Post by racer12306 » Tue Apr 03, 2007 11:00 pm

Time to start this back up again, make it an ongoing joke thread.


Mrs. Bacciagalupe comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner. Anthony lives with a female roommate, Maria.

During the course of the meal, Momma can't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of the relationship between the two, and this made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than meets the eye.

Reading his Mom's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Mama, Maria and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Maria comes to Anthony saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

"Well, I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her, just to be sure." So he sends his Mom an email:

"Dear Momma, I'm not saying that you took the sugar bowl from my house, and I'm not saying that you didn't take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love,
Anthony"

Several days later, Anthony receives an email response from his Momma.

"Figlio mio, I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now."
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Post by Marthby » Wed Apr 04, 2007 1:25 am

HAHA smart thinking, mama.
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Post by hansken_yo » Wed Apr 04, 2007 2:35 am

Oh that is good!!!! that is good....
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Post by heyitsstock » Wed Apr 04, 2007 7:52 am

a young couple get engagged and ask their priest for his blessing. he tells them they must go an entire month without having sex. after a monthis up, the man returns by himself to tell their priest how the abstinence went.

"well the first week wasn't too bad." he says. "the second week was tough, but the third week got a bit easier. unfortunately, in the fourth week my girlfriend bent over, and i just couldnt help myself. i stuck it in her."

"they won't like that up in heaven," growls the priest

"i kind of fiqured that," the man replies. "they didn't really like it much in safeway either."
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Post by crowd00control » Wed Apr 04, 2007 9:27 am

^ should use something more generic like walmart or something, at first I was like wtf?? then i remembered safeway is a grocery store or something

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