More on Chuck Norris

60trim · Post by **60trim** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:10 pm

Split off from the other chuck norris thread

These are the ones that keep repeating in the comments -- in case someone wants to post originals:

"Children go to bed in Superman pajamas, while Superman goes to bed in Chuck Norris pajamas."

"Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door."

"Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding!"

"When Chuck Norris jumps into water, he doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris."

"Chuck Norris can win a game of connect four in just 3 moves"

"Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can swim through dry land."

"chuck norris doesn't need a watch he just decides what time it is"

"Chuck Norris doesn't read. He stares at the book and the book gives him information."

"Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits."

"When Chuck Norris went to the Virgin Islands and came back, it was just called the Islands."

"Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse."

"There is no such thing as evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live."

"Chuck Norris is able to divide by zero"

"Chuck Norris counted to infinity ... Twice"

"Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his parents."

"When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, it is because he ran out of women."

"Chuck Norris doesn't teabag women, he potato sacks them."

"chuck norris ist hung like a horse, a horse is hung like chuck norris."

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And these are a few of the best new ones IMO -- with the name of the poster:

"Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.

Chuck Norris has the best poker face. He won the 1983 World Poker Tournament, using a hand containing a ticket stub, Monopoly money, a 2 of Clubs, a 5 of Hearts, and a Green #4 card from Uno.

Chuck Norris leaves messages BEFORE the beep." 2Fast4U0921

"Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it." pederabito

"when you search chuck norris on google and spell his name wrong, it doesn't say 'did you mean chuck norris', it says 'run while you have the chance.'" seel5

"geico saved 15% by switching to chuck norris" 08chize08

"Chuck Norris was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds." connortimoti

"When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it affects the actual world economy." solitaryman098

"Chuck norris died 2 years ago but death fears to say it to him" janek585

"chuck norris's calendar jumps from March 31st to April 2nd....because nobody fools chuck Norris" s0nicb00m83

"Godzilla is a Japanese rendition of Chuck Norris' first visit to Tokyo" paulwallrivera

"Chuck Norris can beat rock with scissors." jusmart

"Chuck Norris has caught all PokTmon!"
unknownsoldier37

"chuck norris can get a woman pregnant over phone sex"

"Chuck Norris once broke into a convent and had sex with all the nuns. 9 month later, they gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated team in NFL history." schroemw

Wenuden · Post by **Wenuden** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 1:42 pm

Chuck Norris' tears can cure cancer. Too bad he's never cried.

03blackrt · Post by **03blackrt** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 2:12 pm

Chuck Norris can touch this.

bone-yard-racing · Post by **bone-yard-racing** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 4:40 pm

My favs:

Chuck Norris got in a knife fight and the knife lost

Jesus walks on water, Chuck Norris walks on Jesus

Chuck Norris has no chin, just another fist under his beard.

dodge_girl · Post by **dodge_girl** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 5:56 pm

chuck norris was born in a log cabin he built with his bare hands

Andpto · Post by **Andpto** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:19 pm

Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

2k1MotorSport · Post by **2k1MotorSport** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 6:37 pm

Andpto wrote:Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

bone-yard-racing · Post by **bone-yard-racing** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 7:56 pm

One from 1gn/neons.org

Even Chuck Norris cant shut Skill up

KrackstaR · Post by **KrackstaR** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:19 pm

Chuck Norris's SRT-4 will always be faster than yours.

03blackrt · Post by **03blackrt** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 9:25 pm

Chuck Norris can hear you now.

Approached by Nike representatives to head their “Just Do It” ad campaign, Chuck Norris declined stating “I did it.”

Canada is b00bie Mod... Chuck Norris is b00bie Admin.

Chuck Norris started "the fire."

Chuck Norris is not like a rock. A rock is like Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is Kilroy and was here.

Chuck Norris doesn't guess who... he already knows.

Chuck Norris is your "Mystery Date".

Chuck Norris doesn’t need a “Clue”. It was Chuck Norris, in the Chuck Norris room, with Chuck Norris’ fist.

Chuck Norris sticks to Teflon.

Chuck Norris rubbed a pot roast on his chest.

Chuck Norris doesn't have hell to pay, hell has Chuck Norris to pay.

Chuck Norris doesn’t go to hell; hell goes to Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris didn't give it all away for a porcelain monkey.

MoxHair · Post by **MoxHair** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 10:09 pm

Chuck Norris Backed Mike Huckabee and Lost all his Powers

03blackrt · Post by **03blackrt** » Thu Feb 07, 2008 11:04 pm

Bruce Dickinson has a fever, the only prescription is more Chuck Norris.

jrumann59 · Post by **jrumann59** » Fri Feb 08, 2008 12:53 am

Chuck Norris never has to pull the trigger to fire, he just looks at the gun and gun gets scared and fires on its own.