I about lost it.

2005.Neon.SXT · Post by **2005.Neon.SXT** » Thu May 21, 2009 4:55 pm

I'm totally regretting losing control of myself, but damn... anyone prior enlisted in the Marine Corps? How the fuck did you make it through your 4 years? Or if you did more, why? I get stressed out like I have never been stressed out in my life. Just now broke my phone against the wall, as well as my MacBook screen (ya, I'm feeling pretty fucking dumb about that... two year old laptop, running strong, and I end it's life on the account of anger). I'm runnin the laptop off my TV now, thank god I was able to pull up the screen and guess as I dragged the system preference window on the TV. Then "mirrored" my computer. But seriously. I just sometimes wish I could calm down. Just chill. Maybe it's cause I've been to combat? Though I was in the city we operated in for nearly 6 months, I never saw combat per se. I don't care about the phone, but shit... feeling pretty dumb about the computer. Oh, chucked my logitech mouse against the wall as well... I swear I'm bipolar or I have PTSD or something... good thing I didn't grab my Canon Rebel... believe me, I looked at it and thought about it.

I'm just ready to be done with all this bullshit. One more fucking deployment. And part of me wishes that I get blown up by an IED. I'm sure the civilian life isn't all that cracked up to be anyway, though I dream and look forward to that day every night.

Thanks for reading. Suppose I should just step outside next time instead of being in my room.

Oh, and anyone know if I'm able to replace the screen on my MacBook? Or is it not worth it? I mean, all the internals work apparently, just the screen is... well looks like an art picture. Like a sloppy art project. I should take a picture of it.

GreeNeons03 · Post by **GreeNeons03** » Thu May 21, 2009 4:58 pm

You should be able to get it replaced. Probably will cost you an arm and a leg though. I say trash the Mac, get a PC

Post by **Diablo0** » Thu May 21, 2009 4:59 pm

look on ebay for the same model macbook with with something other than the screen broken. then disassemble both and put the good screen in yours.

Next time you get mad and want to throw something, think of all the money you'll be spending fixing everything that's broken. Get something dedicated for throwing like a 10 year old laptop that's garbage... or if you do buy a damaged macbook and swap out the the screen to fix yours, make the damaged one your throwing laptop lol

Adionik · Post by **Adionik** » Thu May 21, 2009 5:00 pm

Hang in there bro. Sometimes you need to walk through hell to really appreciate life. Try to constrain yourself...it's not worth trashing your shit or hurting yourself.

2005.Neon.SXT · Post by **2005.Neon.SXT** » Thu May 21, 2009 5:19 pm

owned...

Paul56 · Post by **Paul56** » Thu May 21, 2009 5:19 pm

I used to keep it under control until arriving at the cottage for the weekend... where I would physically work out my frustrations by splitting firewood with an axe for a coupla hours.

No cottage or firewood to split?

Head to the local gym and lift weights for a coupla hours... that works too and the increased muscle mass fills out the t-shirt nicely for the summer.

SOKADAO954 · Post by **SOKADAO954** » Thu May 21, 2009 5:30 pm

Paul56 wrote:I used to keep it under control until arriving at the cottage for the weekend... where I would physically work out my frustrations by splitting firewood with an axe for a coupla hours.

No cottage or firewood to split?

Head to the local gym and lift weights for a coupla hours... that works too and the increased muscle mass fills out the t-shirt nicely for the summer.

gym is the best place. you lose the madness and gain muscle.
i allways hear that if u ever go to serve this country marines is the last place to go.
my uncle says it realy fucks with you his 29 and just got back from africa after 4 years.
he said it realy fucks with u.

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Thu May 21, 2009 6:24 pm

I feel the same way sometimes man...

It's probably PTSD.... it's not as bad as everyone says.

I'm actually scheduling an appointment for the mental health place on base.

Just being in that kind of enviroment can mess you up. I sweat my ass off EVERY night...with a fan blowing on my face and air on 68...

It's only happened since I've been back and everywhere I sleep...

SOKADAO954 · Post by **SOKADAO954** » Thu May 21, 2009 6:43 pm

you know what is even better, when u get mad work on your car. wash it, wax it etc.

rOniN · Post by **rOniN** » Thu May 21, 2009 6:48 pm

The Corps has a lot of BS to deal with...the whole right way, wrong way, and the Marine Corps Way.

What happened that pissed you off to that extent? I've had plenty of shit to deal with so far, but nothing that bad. If you are upset all day long I would suggest talking to someone. Actually if you are half wishing about the IED I would recommend it.

John - as for the sleeping thing. I have a few friends that had that problem when they came back from Iraq. One would even fly out of bed at the sound of lightning or fireworks. It went away after about 3 months but it is different for everyone.

SOKADA - the Marines is a lifestyle as well as a job. They drill the enlisted side pretty good.

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Thu May 21, 2009 7:16 pm

rOniN wrote:The Corps has a lot of BS to deal with...the whole right way, wrong way, and the Marine Corps Way.

What happened that pissed you off to that extent? I've had plenty of shit to deal with so far, but nothing that bad. If you are upset all day long I would suggest talking to someone. Actually if you are half wishing about the IED I would recommend it.

John - as for the sleeping thing. I have a few friends that had that problem when they came back from Iraq. One would even fly out of bed at the sound of lightning or fireworks. It went away after about 3 months but it is different for everyone.

SOKADA - the Marines is a lifestyle as well as a job. They drill the enlisted side pretty good.

Yep, the military can be rough on somoenes mental side....5 years in the Airforce and I got the "fuck it" attitude.... what are you going to do? Fire me?

2005.Neon.SXT · Post by **2005.Neon.SXT** » Thu May 21, 2009 8:01 pm

LowNSlow wrote:I feel the same way sometimes man...

It's probably PTSD.... it's not as bad as everyone says.

I'm actually scheduling an appointment for the mental health place on base.

Just being in that kind of enviroment can mess you up. I sweat my ass off EVERY night...with a fan blowing on my face and air on 68...

It's only happened since I've been back and everywhere I sleep...

You saying that symptons or actions aren't as extreme as people think they are? I was thinking the same thing. But I don't know sometimes because I've always felt that I'm bipolar. I don't know. I might try and schedule something before I deploy in August. And I'm not that bad at night as far as sweating and what not. Don't know if you call it a sleep problem, but I usually stay up till about 1 or 2 in the morning when I have to be up at 5 only because I can't fall asleep any sooner.

SOKADAO954 wrote:you know what is even better, when u get mad work on your car. wash it, wax it etc.

I would've done that, but I was still at work when I did all this shit today.

rOniN wrote:The Corps has a lot of BS to deal with...the whole right way, wrong way, and the Marine Corps Way.

What happened that pissed you off to that extent? I've had plenty of shit to deal with so far, but nothing that bad. If you are upset all day long I would suggest talking to someone. Actually if you are half wishing about the IED I would recommend it.

John - as for the sleeping thing. I have a few friends that had that problem when they came back from Iraq. One would even fly out of bed at the sound of lightning or fireworks. It went away after about 3 months but it is different for everyone.

SOKADA - the Marines is a lifestyle as well as a job. They drill the enlisted side pretty good.

It's always the "Marine Corps Way". If it makes sense, it's not going to happen. Why let Marines go from work when there isn't anything going on? Because that's not how things roll...

You're going to think this is retarded, with why I got pissed off, but then again maybe you'll smile cause you know exactly how it is. Anyway, here's the story... the last 3 weeks we've been kept at work for no reason. I'm the Company Radio Operator for Bravo and so, unless we're out at the field, my chain of command rarely needs me. Especially since all our stuff is packed for California. So I literally sit in my room all day. Sure it's a bonus, but I feel like I'm on restriction half the time because I can't go anywhere except to get food. Anyway, ya we've been kept at work for no reason. I'm wanting to go out and take care of things (especially to go to Raleigh which is 2 hours away to go to Certifit to get my bumper). Our Commanding Officer for Bravo has told us all week "Me and 1st Sgt. are trying our best to get you guys out of here early since we have CAX coming up" (the training evolution in California). Ya, bullshit. Raise that bullshit flag sky fucking high. 1730-1800 is usually when we get off. With how traffic is during end of work days, you ain't getting off base till about 1900. Most places are closed. Certifit closes at 1800. (I just realized I'm using military time... sorry, for those non-mathematicians lol). And it's not just the whole Unit. Alpha gets off at a decent time, Charlie does, H&S, etc. They all have been getting off early this week, last week, and whatever... but not Bravo... why? I have no idea. Well, I'm sitting in my room watching The Day The Earth Stood Still (still have to finish it lol) and it's 1730. Everyone has been off except Bravo. I'm like "what the fuck man.. why the fuck are we still here" etc. etc. Just swearing up a storm. I sit down... and I swear I just lost it. Exploded. I bang my hand on my pull out table thing on my locker (where my computer sits). I look at my phone.. then grab it knowing I wasn't going to stop. I sling it to the wall. It breaks into a few pieces. I go to pick it up after pacing a couple times and my buddy (who said he was trying to make me smile) says "dude.. I think you're phone's broken". Ya.. I lost it again "Don't fucking talk to me, and this isn't the time for fucking god damn sarcasm". I slam my computer screen shut... then slam my fist on top of it... I open up my computer to find it's a pretty, permanent painting now... I sit down to try and calm myself, but I lost it again... that's when my computer mouse at shit against the wall. By this point, my buddy just left. I don't care about the phone or mouse, but I'm really regretting breaking my computer like I did. Least nothing internally is broken. I got a lot of information on there. I'll just have to replace the screen sometime.

Well... shit, if you read all that I'm sorry lol. It's pretty dumb and not a good reason for me to flip out... but I did. It sucks. I get so bottled up with how stupid this Unit is, how shitty the company is, how ignorant our chain of command is... ugh... I'm done. Fuck re-enlisting. They can offer me a hundred fucking thousand dollars and I would reject them because it's not worth another 4 years of bullshit, captivity, and being treated like a fucking boot when I've served one combat deployment, about to go on my second, and have been in almost 3 years.

Alright... I'm done ranting. I appreciate anyone reading and giving me kind words. Harsh words too if you like, I don't care. I was stupid. Should've controlled myself... but I couldn't.

LowNSlow wrote:Yep, the military can be rough on somoenes mental side....5 years in the Airforce and I got the "fuck it" attitude.... what are you going to do? Fire me?

ya I joke around about turning in my two weeks notice all the time... and I got the same mentality more now than ever... "what are they going to do? Kick me out? Fuck it... do it!"

PhillyLS1 · Post by **PhillyLS1** » Thu May 21, 2009 8:13 pm

The Marine Corps has nothing to do with it.
You're throwing little fits like a child. You're immature, that's the issue not the military. Grow up a little and your life will be easier.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

BTW I've been to Iraq twice, seen combat yadda yadda. So it's not like I'm talking out my ass.

2005.Neon.SXT · Post by **2005.Neon.SXT** » Thu May 21, 2009 8:21 pm

PhillyLS1 wrote:The Marine Corps has nothing to do with it.
You're throwing little fits like a child. You're immature, that's the issue not the military. Grow up a little and your life will be easier.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

BTW I've been to Iraq twice, seen combat yadda yadda. So it's not like I'm talking out my ass.

You prior enlisted in the Marine Corps?

BTW, the Marine Corps (least the Unit I'm in) doesn't allow you to grow up. A Sergeant who's been in for 6 years gets treated the same way and goes through the same stupid shit that a boot who just checked. It's fucking stupid. So yes, if anything it's partly the Marine Corps fault. Different people react to different situations differently. If everyone got PTSD after war, maybe not everyone would go.

PhillyLS1 · Post by **PhillyLS1** » Thu May 21, 2009 8:37 pm

2005.Neon.SXT wrote:
PhillyLS1 wrote:The Marine Corps has nothing to do with it.
You're throwing little fits like a child. You're immature, that's the issue not the military. Grow up a little and your life will be easier.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

BTW I've been to Iraq twice, seen combat yadda yadda. So it's not like I'm talking out my ass.
You prior enlisted in the Marine Corps?

BTW, the Marine Corps (least the Unit I'm in) doesn't allow you to grow up. A Sergeant who's been in for 6 years gets treated the same way and goes through the same stupid shit that a boot who just checked. It's fucking stupid. So yes, if anything it's partly the Marine Corps fault. Different people react to different situations differently. If everyone got PTSD after war, maybe not everyone would go.

No I wasn't in the Marines, I Was attached to II MEF RCT-2 and RCT-7 in Al Asad in 05. I was an E5 in the Army, the only Army guy on Camp Ripper. So I got my balls busted constantly. I was an E5 bunking with E4's when E5's got their own rooms. I was disrespected on a daily basis.

What do the Marines have to do with your personal actions? You're passing the buck. The Marines do not make you have hissy fits in your room. You do. It's like blaming a gun for killing someone when you pull the trigger.
I know all about the stupidity of the Marines. However, maybe they treat you like a boot for the reasons you are listing. Guys can't control their liquor, their temper, their money etc they get treated like children.

You don't have PTSD. Guys who have PTSD don't know it. You just need to grow up and control your anger.

2005.Neon.SXT · Post by **2005.Neon.SXT** » Thu May 21, 2009 9:00 pm

PhillyLS1 wrote:
2005.Neon.SXT wrote:
PhillyLS1 wrote:The Marine Corps has nothing to do with it.
You're throwing little fits like a child. You're immature, that's the issue not the military. Grow up a little and your life will be easier.

Don't sweat the small stuff.

BTW I've been to Iraq twice, seen combat yadda yadda. So it's not like I'm talking out my ass.
You prior enlisted in the Marine Corps?

BTW, the Marine Corps (least the Unit I'm in) doesn't allow you to grow up. A Sergeant who's been in for 6 years gets treated the same way and goes through the same stupid shit that a boot who just checked. It's fucking stupid. So yes, if anything it's partly the Marine Corps fault. Different people react to different situations differently. If everyone got PTSD after war, maybe not everyone would go.
No I wasn't in the Marines, I Was attached to II MEF RCT-2 and RCT-7 in Al Asad in 05. I was an E5 in the Army, the only Army guy on Camp Ripper. So I got my balls busted constantly. I was an E5 bunking with E4's when E5's got their own rooms. I was disrespected on a daily basis.

What do the Marines have to do with your personal actions? You're passing the buck. The Marines do not make you have hissy fits in your room. You do. It's like blaming a gun for killing someone when you pull the trigger.
I know all about the stupidity of the Marines. However, maybe they treat you like a boot for the reasons you are listing. Guys can't control their liquor, their temper, their money etc they get treated like children.

You don't have PTSD. Guys who have PTSD don't know it. You just need to grow up and control your anger.

I never claimed that I had PTSD.

You were on a camp where people had their own rooms? We didn't have rooms in Afghanistan. And the ones who were operating in the city didn't even have cots to sleep on outside the first month because we were supposed to be out "7 to 10 days". I slept in a building during the day because I had night watch. And yes, in 130 degree heat inside a concrete building... it sucked. I was the only Non-NCO on the FOB I was at last year so I was treated the same way. I don't dip, but I was always picking up after my Captain and SSgt. who left dip bottles every damn day. What kind of Camp were you on? As in was it an Army, AF, etc.

I don't know what to tell you as far as me controlling my anger. I need to find another outlet. And I'm sorry, but I'm not immature. Sure you're 30 and I'm only 22, but you don't even know me. One story where I went haywire and I'm automatically assumed "immature".

I mean, how would you react if you had shit to do during the week but you couldn't for a month because you're at work for no reason? They always talk about taking care of the Marines, but it's all a lie. They don't give a shit about the Marines. Again "if it makes sense, it's not going to happen".

PhillyLS1 · Post by **PhillyLS1** » Thu May 21, 2009 9:16 pm

2005.Neon.SXT wrote:You were on a camp where people had their own rooms?

No. The E5's had thier own rooms. Meaning of their own rank. Plural. I was in a room with 4 other E4's. It was a sign of disrespect.

2005.Neon.SXT wrote:We didn't have rooms in Afghanistan. And the ones who were operating in the city didn't even have cots to sleep on outside the first month because we were supposed to be out "7 to 10 days". I slept in a building during the day because I had night watch. And yes, in 130 degree heat inside a concrete building... it sucked. I was the only Non-NCO on the FOB I was at last year so I was treated the same way. I don't dip, but I was always picking up after my Captain and SSgt. who left dip bottles every damn day. What kind of Camp were you on? As in was it an Army, AF, etc.

I didn't have a room in Haditha or Husayba either. We slept on the ground. Stop bitching you're making military look bad. We don't complain unless we're at a bar sitting around telling stories and showing scars. And it was a Marine base. Everything in the West (Al Anbar) used to be i controlled by the Marines.

2005.Neon.SXT wrote:I don't know what to tell you as far as me controlling my anger. I need to find another outlet. And I'm sorry, but I'm not immature. Sure you're 30 and I'm only 22, but you don't even know me. One story where I went haywire and I'm automatically assumed "immature".

I mean, how would you react if you had shit to do during the week but you couldn't for a month because you're at work for no reason? They always talk about taking care of the Marines, but it's all a lie. They don't give a shit about the Marines. Again "if it makes sense, it's not going to happen".

All I'm saying is you need to tighten it up. Look at it this way... if you react like this, you're letting the thing you hate the most "win." My age has nothing to do with it. You put yourself out there when you tell stories such as you breaking shit.
Count to 10, rub one out, hug a teddy bear... whatever it takes. But smashing stuff isn't going to accomplish anything. Bitching will accomplish nothing. The day you ETS and have all the benefits and pride of serving, then you'll be out on top.

I know what you're going through. Believe me. I hated it too. But don't let it get to you.

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Thu May 21, 2009 9:19 pm

I understand completely.... I felt the same way about it when I first joined.

I always thought why the fuck am I here if we have nothing to do... Let me go home and take care of shit.

Sometimes it's just not that easy though man...and we gotta realize we're in the military. There isn't shit we can do it about and theres really no point in getting mad about it. That's what I meant when I said fuck it.... I'm so laid back now and used to getting fucked over on random stuff that it doesn't even bother me anymore.

You're going to have issues anywhere you work though and you're going to have to find a way to figure out a solution without destroying your stuff.

And it is funny to hear about how people were "stuck" in rooms with a few other people. I agree with you there... I wish we had rooms when we were in Iraq... that'd be awesome.

How about laying in a cot in one giant tent with 50-60 people... cot touching cot on each side crammed in like sardeens.

2005.Neon.SXT · Post by **2005.Neon.SXT** » Thu May 21, 2009 9:43 pm

Alright it seems like this is turning into one big "I've done that, I've had this worse than you" fight.

PhillyLS1, I'm not taking your words and statements as hostile, but of wisdom. Sure it was stupid of me to make this thread and be like "hey look I broke my shit because I'm an uncontrolling little child". But I just needed a place to vent. Whatever. So I don't have much friends. Sure I have co-workers, brothers-in-arms, whatever you wanna call them, but I don't have any friends whom I hang out with all the time after work. So I just wanted to write it here. My apologies.

I might have been makin the military look bad (mainly the Marine Corps), but some aspects are true. Feeling more in a state of captivity. Having thoughts of "Why?". You know? It's just that these thoughts and feelings occur more frequently than they have before. Perhaps anxiety is playing a role and I can't wait to get out. Perhaps I'm just being childish.

Don't really have much else to say in this thread except that PhillyLS1 prolly had the best words to say: just grow [the fuck] up. No need to see a doctor or get help.

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Thu May 21, 2009 9:48 pm

PhillyLS1 wrote:
Count to 10, rub one out, hug a teddy bear... whatever it takes. .

PhillyLS1 · Post by **PhillyLS1** » Thu May 21, 2009 11:30 pm

The point I was making about the room was I was disrespected as a E5 just like being the only non NCO and being shit on. It was mean to relate a point. I know what it's like to have the sky to stare at all night long too, I was just fortunate for 2 months. I would have rather been in a bay, then those tin cans.

MyNeonSaysHi · Post by **MyNeonSaysHi** » Fri May 22, 2009 12:12 am

contagious18 · Post by **contagious18** » Fri May 22, 2009 12:20 am

damn, two of my friends just got deployed to afghanistan, they started acting differently eversince joining the marines

rOniN · Post by **rOniN** » Fri May 22, 2009 3:23 pm

I understand where you're coming from...

I would go with John's advice as well. With the Corps you just have to get used to being shit on and put a spin on it. We get shit on so much sometimes that we are happy when things go right. Our gear sucks, our budget sucks, you name it and it sucks. We do more with less and then we get thanked by the big green weenie.

Hurry up and wait is the Marine Corps way. Stress the shit out of you and then see how much more you can take. You got through boot so you can handle just about every stupid thing you could encounter on base.

Being in the military you will get tough love, suck it up, and usually that works for us. Find some outlet if you can. Get into sports on base or get some paintball going. Nothing like shooting up your CO after he made you do some stupid shit.

contagious18 - as I said before it's a lifestyle being a Marine.

INVUJerry · Post by **INVUJerry** » Fri May 22, 2009 4:53 pm

I totally know how you are feeling man. I used to get so mad that whatever was in my hand would be broken, and if I had something to throw, it was thrown. It go the point where I broke the rear window in MY OWN truck. I broke a really nice blackberry cell phone. I'd smack myself in the face or something, just doing retarded shit. I just realized I have to not throw shit, or throw something that isn't breakable, or maybe something expendable. Or just breathe, count to 10, do some pushups (a lot of work for me at the time).

You do have an anger problem, but you need to just calm down like Philly said. If you want to talk to someone you can, but you can really figure it out yourself.