1 Gallon of Oil (5w-30 or 10w-30)
1 New Oil Filter (look through the books at the autoparts store or ask)
1 Oil Catch pan (will hold at least a gallon)
1 or 2 Funnels
A ratchet with 1/2" socket
Stock jack (all you really need) but ramps reccomended.
You can safely change your oil on a neon without the need of ramps to keep the lifting of the car stable.
-Drive around in the car to get it up to normal operating temperature, then let it cool back down a little bit.
-Enter your car, put on the parking brake as tight as you can.
-Exit the car and go to the front passenger side and look under the door (assuming you dont have side skirts). You should see a part of the sheet metal that is reinforced. Take your stock jack and line up the divet with the reinforced part. Then take the included lug wrench and raise the car up. You don't need to raise it up a whole lot, the tire definitley doesnt need to lift off the ground, just a little more room to move around. Now, your oil pan is in good reach, and you never have to put any part of your body under your car. IF YOU DON'T HAVE RAMPS, DO NOT PUT ANY PART OF YOUR BODY OTHER THEN YOUR ARM UNDER THE CAR. DO NOT PUT YOUR ARM UNDERNEATH THE TIRE OR WHERE IT COULD GET PINCHED. Just use common sense.
-The oil pan is the greyish metal box that has a criss-cross waffle pattern on it. Take your 1/2" Ratchet and check that it fits the bolt that is on the rear of the pan, some neons might take a different size. If it fits again make sure that no part of your body is under the car and get the oil pan underneath the bolt.
-Just give it enough muscle to loosen it up, you might get some drips of oil coming out.
-Now lift up the oil catch pan with your other hand and place it behind the bolt, the oil is going to spew out like old faithful.
-Remove the bolt with your free hand, and bring the pan back under neath the oil drain plug after the initial "catch"
-Go grab a beer and wait 5-7 minutes for more oil to drip out, you can wait longer but its not going to make that much of a difference.
-Look for your oil filter right by the oil pan, its the thing that looks just like the oil filter you bought
- With the catch pan underneath take one hand and squeeze very hard and turn it to unscrew it, here comes more oil
-Set the dirty filter in the pan, and grab your new filter, rub some of that cruddy oil around the seal, and screw the new one in by hand, hand tight is good enough, any tighter is too tight
-Reinsert the bolt into the oil drain plug, use the ratchet but again, no need to make it too tight
-Move your oil catch tray out of the way, lower the jack and pop the hood.
-Unscrew the oil fill cap (the one that says oil on it)
and put in 3 quarts or 3/4 Gallon of your oil using the funnel.-Go grab another beer and wait 2 or 3 minutes
-Pull out your dipstick (from the car you sicko) and wipe it off with a paper towel, reinsert it and pull it out again, it should probably read at about the "min" line. If you bought synthetic oil you might have trouble seeing anything at all
-As long as its not more then 25% over the min line, go ahead and put in that other quart of oil. Start the car and let it idle for 15 minutes
-Check the dipstick again and it should read about "max"
-Carefully take your oil catch pan and put the old oil into the empty oil bottles using your funnel. Some crazy people will tell you to use a different funnel so that your not pouring dirty oil through it. Seeing as how it will be months till your next oil change simply spray it with the hose when your done. Take the oil back to the autoparts store for proper disposal, DO NOT THROW IN THE GARBAGE OR DUMP IN THE YARD
Post any corrections or questions
I hope i did a nubby good job 
. 
. Maybe if theres one closer to home ill be down.
