i hate doing this

[2003silverneonsxt]

aight guys..so this is how its looking...

{rant on}

im a 20 yr old college student, and i work a $5.50 an hour job when i have time after classes and i have no money to do nething. i pay 240$ a month for car insurance and a 60$ cell phone bill, on top of paying all my bills for college, such as last term books came to $2,300 which has to come outta my pocket. now my grandma is helping pay back some of that but it still doesnt get me any where near outta the hole. i make about 250 every 2 wks and that only covers my insurance and odds and ends, and then i have 190$ left each month to spend on food, gas, and stuff for my dog. it doesnt leave me nething. and i am always behind. i have had to bum money off my parents now for a while, and that debt is adding up. i dont not live at home, i have an aprtment and living with my parents while i finish college is outta the question cause that is 4 hours away. i still have another 4 months of college left before i get out, and in the 4 months i am going to accumulate alot more debt.

now the bad part. it looks like i might have to sell the neon (for about 7k (KBB value)) and buy a 1-2 grand older neon beater that runs and drive that if i cannot find a way to get some money to pay some bills off. sometimes i almost feel like dying, cause i hate life so much right now. i just wanna give up. i dont know why, but i have felt like this before but this is by far the worse i have ever felt in my life, and i lay at night wondering how long i am going to be able to afford a roof over my head to sleep, or how long its going to be till i have to start sleeping in my car.


i dont know what to do, i really dont wanna ask for handouts from anyone, and thats not what this is bout, i have had a couple ppl who know me really well ask for my email address and not knowing why they wanted it..wound up with some money in my paypal account which helped pay the bills last month.

now on top of it today (august 25) i went to get my car inspected, well i was told my tires dont have enough tread on them to get inspected and my car is already a month pass inspection do the $$ reason, well i got home from the shop and saw a bubble in my tire, which i though "great" now i really need new tires, and well.. i dont have the money to get new tires, the really sad part is that i am suppose to be going to my cousins wedding in delware (a good 6 hour drive) in 2 wks and if i cant get enough money to get my stuff fixed by then there is no way i am going to be able to go to the wedding, which if i miss, i have a feeling my cousin will disown me or something, cause she really has her heart set on me being there.


now back to the feeling part, i wrote this last night, and it gives u an idea of how bad i really am feeling :

"Last night I dreamt a sorrowful dream
Where I had lost all hope.
I had decided to end my life,
Because I couldn't cope.

I wrote a letter to my friends
To tell them all good-bye
To tell them that it's not their fault
That I was about to die.

I told them that I loved them
Each and every one.
That any pain they may have caused,
Was null, void, and done.

With message sent, I then felt calm.
I knew what I was to do.
The time had come to finish things
That were long overdue.

At the tub I then sat,
With water hot and running.
I clenched a knife within my hand,
And heard my heart thumping.

A deep breath I cleared my thoughts,
And let everything fall away.
For everything would soon be better,
For I would die this day.

I brought the knife up to my arm,
And gave a little twist.
I slashed my arm wide open,
From the elbow to the wrist.

The pain was sharp, I held my breath
Till the pain began to fade
Then brought my other arm up
Repeat the first mark made.

The task is done, I felt relief
I feel my blood flowing
I rest my head and close my eyes,
as I feel my heartbeat slowing.

I feel a chill embrace me tight
And my body starts to shiver.
I try and look Death face to face,
But my eyelids barely quiver.

The time has come, to fade away.
There's no sense in looking back.
The pain and anger now are gone
As everything fades to black."

please by no means feel a burden (sp???) to do anything about this, just reading about my pathetic life is enough, thanks for reading.. i dont wanna ask for handouts or nething but i know the loves is there..i saw it in the other thread, and well if u wanna help PM ME i just dont know if i wanna ask for a handout, i think it might come down to me selling the neon and having to buy a piece of shit to drive around, and well it makes me sad, i think a forsale sign will be going on the neon, its the only thing i can do to keep myself going and in college, if i dont sell the car or atleast get enough money that i can get the car fixed so i can keep going to my job and go get applications to get a new job that pays more i will probably have to drop outta college and be a worthless Mcdonald's Fry Technician the rest of my life.

if ne one wants to help even by just saying some nice words, feel free to talk here or PM ME..

thanks everyone..i hope i can come up with some money..i might even have to sell my laptop i am using to talk to u guys to get money , worse case scenario.

talk to everyone later
justin
2003silverneonsxt

[ilpadrino]

hey, hang in there man. I'm in that same boat. I may not be living on my own but i still pay for everything else straight outta my pocket. School, books, computers, cars, insurance, credit cards, cell phone, you name it, i pay for it. One thing that has helped is the loan I took out for school. I don't have to think about that money until I graduate and even after that, I have i think 6 months to pay it off. Whatever money I have left over from each semester, I use towards bills.

Oh yeah, I haven't worked since late June.

But you sound like a good earner. I'm sure your parents don't wanna see you suffer. If you have to, just ask them to help out. Pride kills.

If it kills you to borrow money (like it does with me), tell them you'll pay them back.

[CU_rob]

Dude... first of all you need to shop around or do something about the insurance, that is ridiculous!

Paying for school: Go to your financial aid office. Fill out the forms. You may qualify for grants. If not at least you will get gov't subsidized student loans at much lower than bank rates, with deferment until 6 month after you graduate. I hate debt, but lets face it, its life. You can pay it back, and it may take 10 yrs. but you will do it.

College: are you instate or out-of-state tuition? if you are paying out-of-state, you need to transfer back to a home state school. period.

Neon: you know what, you may have to sell your car. Fact of life. Hate it but hell, shit happens, but you keep on going. I just sold my rare 300zx that I owned for years, broke my heart but 90% of the money is going to pay my student loans. Welcome to life, get a 1gn for a $1000.

Appartment: Get a roommate=split bills.

Cellphone: keep it, ditch your landline. Save $40/month.

Getting to your cousins wedding: Greyhound, its cheap.

Tires: Yellowpages, find some used ones. Hell their tires, you can get good ones when you get back on your feet.

Job: Find a better one. Period. Call the county you live in, they should have a "job services". The county actually find you a job, and give you FREE training. They are there to assist people. That is where we get all of the people working in our plant.

Life: You have just started, don't stop it now. You have some many great memories yet to make, so many facinating people to meet, so many places to go.

Some of the above might come off harsh, or not harsh enough, they are meant to be words of encouragement.
{steps down from soap box}

[2003silverneonsxt]

Dude... first of all you need to shop around or do something about the insurance, that is ridiculous!

Paying for school: Go to your financial aid office. Fill out the forms. You may qualify for grants. If not at least you will get gov't subsidized student loans at much lower than bank rates, with deferment until 6 month after you graduate. I hate debt, but lets face it, its life. You can pay it back, and it may take 10 yrs. but you will do it.

College: are you instate or out-of-state tuition? if you are paying out-of-state, you need to transfer back to a home state school. period.

Neon: you know what, you may have to sell your car. Fact of life. Hate it but hell, shit happens, but you keep on going. I just sold my rare 300zx that I owned for years, broke my heart but 90% of the money is going to pay my student loans. Welcome to life, get a 1gn for a $1000.

Appartment: Get a roommate=split bills.

Cellphone: keep it, ditch your landline. Save $40/month.

Getting to your cousins wedding: Greyhound, its cheap.

Tires: Yellowpages, find some used ones. Hell their tires, you can get good ones when you get back on your feet.

Job: Find a better one. Period. Call the county you live in, they should have a "job services". The county actually find you a job, and give you FREE training. They are there to assist people. That is where we get all of the people working in our plant.

Life: You have just started, don't stop it now. You have some many great memories yet to make, so many facinating people to meet, so many places to go.

Some of the above might come off harsh, or not harsh enough, they are meant to be words of encouragement.
{steps down from soap box}

ok ... to answer ur things

i have loans through school but books still have to be paid out of pocket its how the college works, and i am _in state tution_

i have a apartment and its only a 1 bedroom, no room for a room mate

i have a couple applications in at places (factory work) that will pay 10$ an hour to start, just waiting on phone calls,

i dont wanna sell my car unless i can find a 2.4 turbo swapped 1st gen for like 3 grand or so.. so that ihave money left over

i just got tires bought..my mom paid for them as a really early xmas present. so now i wont get shot for missing the wedding and i can get my inspection 1 good thing i guess

i dont have a land line for my phone, i strictly use my cell phone


as far as life, well lets say it this way. i have already tried to kill myself twice, first time i wound up in the hospital for 2 wks, second time iw as in for a week, so basically i really know how to do it if i wanted to .. as far as meeting new ppl and shit.. i dont know.. i have met some ppl. but no one i would want to hang around with, the only thing i do is sit at my aprt cause everyone is assholes and am on here or on AIM, if u want i would love to talk to ppl on AIM : click the link at the bottom of my posts..

{off soap box again}

[CU_rob]

Ok, so some of them won't work for you...

Car: sell $7k car + buy $1K 1gn stock r/t = $6k for loans or books... and by your figures that is almost 3 semesters of books.

Books: $2300 per semester? Change your major. Say you took 18hrs (5 classes @ 3hrs each) thats $460 per class on books. I don't think so. I was in Mechanical Engineering and I have two brother's in school now (Engineering and Biochemistry/premed) and their books have never been that much.
Get a cheaper major, school, or buy used books online.

[mospaxreton]

Dood, I've felt like that many many times, and Im only 22yrs young! I know its easy to say but trust me when I say it "It all gets better". One way or another. I honestly am still broke trying to recover from being laid off for 4months. Hated to but asked the nice parents if I could move back in for a bit. Now Im paying them 200 for rent and its now been about 6mos of having my new job or career at SBC pay is pretty good so Im just starting to get a lot of bills paid off. I have rent, insurance, car payment, cell phne, few credit cards and family that I owe. And little by little its getting better. So I know how it feels when you tell yourself "God I just want to die for a while then comeback once everything is O.K." ..... I've said that plenty of times. SO HANG IN THERE! We have faith in you.

[2003silverneonsxt]

um mreason why my books were 2300 was cuase we had to buy laptops last term for my major and i will owe 9K when i am done college in december

i cant move back in with the parents now..they live 4 hours away..so thats outta the question..

done with life.. shit keeps getting worse..!!!

[Frizbe]

Dude! get MSN messenger, it's better.
I know I'm only 17 but here it goes:
YOU NEED A BETTER JOB!!! period nothing else to it.
and get a fold out couch, sleep on that, get a roommate and let them sleep in the bedroom. them you can split the bills. I think.

[2003silverneonsxt]

Dude! get MSN messenger, it's better.
I know I'm only 17 but here it goes:
YOU NEED A BETTER JOB!!! period nothing else to it.
and get a fold out couch, sleep on that, get a roommate and let them sleep in the bedroom. them you can split the bills. I think.

i know i need a better job..maybe ill just sleep in my car..

[CU_rob]

Do you have car payments?
If so, you HAVE to sell your car if you want to get out of the hole. You do not have the income to pay for a new car in your current situation. Get the 1gn man. Your insurance should be cheaper too (mine was).

Food: Cut your food budget back. Eat Ramen Noodles (typically $0.10 to $0.25) per pack and PB&J sandwhiches. Drink tap water and take a multivitamin (to balance your diet). No more fast food. No more eating out. PERIOD.
Do that for a couple months, and you will be suprised at how much money you will save.
Trust me. I have done it, so have tons of other college students.

Your situation is not too different than what most college students go through. You are not alone, man. Just hang in there.

Remember, you have ONE life to live, so live it to the fullest you can, and ONE day at a time. There is no reset button on life, so you just do the best you can, and it will get better.

[2003silverneonsxt]

haha my diet is ramon noodles..1 pack a day, 2 vitamins and water.. when i have a extra 5$ i save each week i eat out.. thats it..one time

edit: no car payment.. just a rediclous (sp?) insurance rate cause i am 20 with a accident on my lics.

[DjTransifi]

If you don't pay for your car who does??? Is the car paid off??? If its paid off and you are paying 240 a month, you are way over covered... Cut back on your insurance.. Liabilty and uninsured motorist is all you need for a paid car... Get 500 deductables.. I'm in school so I know how that goes... Nothing is worth killing yourself over..

[2003silverneonsxt]

my car is paid off..

240 a month is what i have to have, the car is technically mine but it is in my moms name, and she has full coverage, vandalism, theft and everything else on it.. and i dont want all that but its in her name so i have to go with what she wants on it..

[J-Villa]

i pay 260 a month and then 150 dollar car payment plus cell and lots of other shit...i know how it is also

[dblsg]

you should really listen to all these people (specially cu_rob), learn from your's and others' mistakes... i think most of us here are college students... i'm 28, go to school full time, have two kids, a wife, and a dog, and my job... its hard, but not imposible. trust us, we know how you feel

as far as school loans go... take them, i owe over 20k for my wife's college, (should be near 40k now... she is working on her masters)... but its worth it.

besides, youre gonna be done in december... just hold on in there. what is you major or degree? will it land you a good paying job? and if you can't get a good job..... there is always the military, they will pay for your school loans

if you had more time left in shcool i would say look for a job with tuition reinburstment... at the end of the semester you turn in your grades and they give youa check.... cha-ching.
if you need to talk to someone... i'll be here man, just drop me a pm or email...shit i'll even give you my number if you want... just remember your not alone and your not the only one with problems.

[Rapley]

I'm new here, and i don't know any of you people. But let me tell you this man, taking your life is not the way out. Times do get rough, but you find a way to get through them. Unfortunately you may have to sell your car and buy a beater. but when you get done with school you'll get a better job and be able to afford a car that'll be as good if not better as what you have now. I have a friend who commited suicide, and becasue of that choice, everyone around him who was involved in his life had to deal with it. It's not the right thing to do man. i've thought of it before, when i got out of a 2 year relationship, i was depressed for months, but i got thru it. it may not be the exac same situation, but i know what losing hope feels like. Things will get better man, just keep on trucking and think positive. My e-mail is josh78_@hotmail.com (i use MSN), if you need to talk or anything, even tho you don't know me, just drop me a line/e-mail/ MSN me, i know that talking to people about the shit that's going on in your life is the best thing you can do.

[CU_rob]

as far as school loans go... take them, i owe over 20k for my wife's college, (should be near 40k now... she is working on her masters)... but its worth it.

... just remember your not alone and your not the only one with problems.

You hit the nail on the head man... with my and my wife's undergrand loans and she is in gradschool (graduates may06) just our student loans add up to almost as much as the mortage on the condo we live in.

the main way that we were able to afford our condo was because her dad "paid" her loans down, and now we owe him that money back, but it opened up our credit to get the mortage. (*I hate owing my inlaws all that money, but I am grateful that I have a place to live.)

Are you healthy enough to go military? I highly recommend it. It is a great way to get your life back together, see the world, experience new things. Remember there are plenty of branches to consider, Navy, Army, Marines, AirForce, Coast Gaurd, and in most states the National Gaurd. Not sure what you want to do? worried about getting shipped out to the front lines? I know, that the Air Force offers TONS of highly technical, technology filled careers that would get you off on the right foot. Finish your degree, and you MAY qualify for Officers school, thats right... you may be able to go in as a Lt.
Want to stay on the home front? Try the coast guard. They have a new role working with the Homeland Security Dept. Not just rescuing boaters anymore... try boarding foriegn vessels, busting smugglers, drug runners, and terrorists. ...Theres nothing like hot roping on to a vessel with an MP5 in hand and hunting bad guys... so I've heard.

Man, you can ask most of the guys on here in the military, its a good life experience that will put your life back on track. If your college has an ROTC unit, I suggest you go down and talk to them.
Start first thing monday.

[BlackRoseRacing]

88 Turbo daytona 410hp --- sold to pay bills
90 plymouth laser ---- sold to pay bills
85 turbo charger --- sold to pay bills
03 SXT neon --- traded in for a used car to refinance and have money for bills
We all have either been there and done that, and some of us are still going through it now. I have 2 kids that drive me insane, then I found out ive got a third on the way. I have no money, I cant handle another screaming baby. But we all have to go through it. It is what gives us storied to tell others. You will probably tell your own child one day what we are telling you now.
We are all friends here in 2GN, and we ALWAYS help eachother out. That is why diablo started this site. Don't worry about asking for hand outs, someone will probably contact you anyways to throw you a few bucks...
As for the car insurance, ditch the company you have now and go with GEICO. I have full coverage on my R/T w/ a $500 deductable. I pay only $143 a month for 4 months on a 6 month policy. GEICO was $1000 cheaper per 6 months VS Progressive...goto there website for a free quote, I have yet to have any problems with them. I even have 3 speeding tickets and one accident on my record!