decisions decisions just wanted someone elses opinion

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 4:29 pm

well, im not a big fan of posting about my personal life but i thought i would on here due to the fact every forum i post on related to this or every forum i read has replies from girls or moms etc... so i thought this forum is mostly guys i would get some guy opinions. to begin im 17 my g/f is 16 we both work with her mom at a home title company making an ok ammount of money (kinda scared she will fire us if she finds out), we both go to school, im a senior shes a junior. she can graduate this year if she wants.she is 1 month pregnant almost and this is her 2nd time being pregnant (was just pregnant 3 months ago) after the first time we swore we wouldnt get another abortion. so now, im stuck with idk what to do. school, work,car,parents, telling them everything is so stressful. idk what to do, id like to work part time and go to college at the same time and live in low income housing or something that isnt very expensive and put it under our parents name and at the same time im thinking about living with our parents, i have alot of money saved up but i have alot of car parts to and my car takes up alot of my time so im planning on parting everything out and returning it back to stock and living together but i know its gonna be hard being so young etc. most people tell me there against abortions but it was so easy the first time but i dont think i could go through it again. i just wanna get my g.e.d and go from there, i still have 8 months to decide so im not rushing anything but w/e i decide id like to get in place at the moment. ill be parting out everything i have besides my rims and coilovers prob so look for a forsale soon (if we decide to keep it) (srt motor/cf hood/turbos/ almost all parts for a srt swap minus the tranny)

well i was just wondering if anyone else has been in this situation and what you did and if anyone knows any programs out there for people in our situation.
thanks in advance and any help is appreciated.

Mr Josh Zombie · Post by **Mr Josh Zombie** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 4:36 pm

Never been in this situation... I'll start off with I'm pro-choice, so I'm not going to badger you on that at all. It's not my place.

But first off... ever heard of protection? Condoms, birth-control, SOMETHING?

Second off... if you're going to go through with keeping the kid, get rid of everything car related. That kid HAS to come first. Screw your car. Taking care of both your girlfriend and child SHOULD be the most importnat thing for you at that time. If it's not... then don't go through with this child. Either abort again, or give it away for adoption... and man, seriously, PROTECT YOURSELF. I can't imagine what that poor girl is going through with a second child on the way, only 3 months after the first child was aborted.

You can only make this decesion between the both of yourselves and family.

That's my .02 cents....

Kids these days... getting pregant at that young of an age. What's wrong with people? *shakes head in shame of the world*

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 4:43 pm

well the thing is the first time we didnt use it, then i said we always will, i did use a condom and she still got pregnant.... and i am planning on getting rid of everything car related, its really not a priority, id much rather take care of them before i did anything else. we have been together for 2 years and i do feel bad cause like she was so sad the first time she had to abort, she like cried for days, shes like really emotional so i felt really bad and i really wouldnt wanna have to see it again cause im sure it would be twice as bad, i told her w/e we decide will be there for her 100% and i will try my hardest for things to be as easy as possible.

bad04srt · Post by **bad04srt** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:06 pm

why are you even considering abortion? that is just down right awful....unborn or not that is a human being and its murder....plain and simple.....i got my gf pregnant my junior year and 3 months in she had a miscarriage and it was awful so i know what is going through your head.....if you can't keep it give it up for adoption....dont kill an innocent life just because you cant take care of it....thousands of couples try every day to get pregnant and cant do it.....give them something to live for and just ask yourself.....if you were an accident, your parents could've aborted you

SILVER-ES · Post by **SILVER-ES** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:18 pm

Not to come across as and asshole but your post doesn't help anything bad01. If this turns into a pro-choice vs. pro-life debate it will go down hill quickly. Everyone has their own opinion on this matter and it's not really one of those topics where minds can be swayed to the other side.

As far as advice for the original poster, I pretty much agree with Opi. It seems like you are leaning towards going ahead with this one, and if you do the child and your g/f will need to be your #1 pirority.

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:22 pm

yeah she is, its funny cause she feels bad i dont get to finish my turbo set up (shes really into cars to) she wanted a boosted 04 sxt. but at the same time i want to quit it. she dosent care to much what i do but she feels bad. she is defineatly my #1 priority though. car is just a hobby

glasswars · Post by **glasswars** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:33 pm

Hey man, sorry about not getting to you about the wheels, I'm gonna use them for winter, but I guess you won't be needing them now. :-/

I say abort the baby, or at best, give it up for adoption. Think about it, if you have it you will make yours and hers like 1000x harder to have a decent living. You have to graduate high school. You have to go to college. If you don't you have a very small chance of seriously making yourself something in life. Harsh, but true. Some people pull it off but prepare for a lot of harsh times if you don't go.

I know people here are very much so against abortion but please don't think that I hate babies live's or anything of the sort. I know if you and her have a second abortion it will be hard to get over having two, but I'd rather regret having two abortions then regret not being able to get my high school diploma, or worse a degree from college.

But to my standpoint, if I ever got a girl pregnant (almost happened) I would definetly have her have an abortion. That's why when I start dating girls I ask them their views on abortion, because I am not dating a girl that would want to have the baby.

My future > unborn baby.
Harsh. But the truth.

Good luck man, do whatever makes you happy, in no way am I endorsing you to have or not have the baby, just speaking. Keep us posted.

Anthony

neonpla · Post by **neonpla** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 5:58 pm

graduate, don't worry about the car for now.. i cant stress this any more GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL, do not get a good enough diploma, i know this other option might now sound like a good one but it i the best advice i could give to anyone struggling to start a life with his girl and epically someone who is about to start a family, Join the US ARMY, or any of the other military branches... Air Force is by far the best one because of all the cushy benifets, if you get married to this girl you will have free housing with all your utilities paid, you will have medical, dental, legal services, think about this the average price for a hospital birth is around 12-15 grand a cesarean is closer to 20 grand...

please don't abort the kid, there are so many people in this world who want children you can put him for adoption if you want to stay a civilian and tough it our in low income housing and all that other stuff you said,

also look at this list
http://search.about.com/fullsearch.htm?terms=army%20mos
these are all the jobs the us army offers, you don't have to be a combat arms personal, you could be a IT guy like me, my mos is 25B Information Systems Operator, i deal with computer networks... they even have army veterinarians, think about this information i gave you and visit a recruiter... look over the MOS list, one more thing the army isn't just a temporary solution, it helps alot having a military background in the civilian sector.

pm with any questions.

Mr Josh Zombie · Post by **Mr Josh Zombie** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 6:20 pm

seriously bad01neon... those comments are not needed hear right now. This is not a pro-life vs. pro-choice debate. He's asking for our opnion on what he should do.

Just as what was already said, if this turns into a debate, it's going to go downhill and get locked... and i don't see any need for that.

All I can say is try to get your opnion about abortion to yourself. If you can offer advice, then do so. If not, then please don't post in this thread.

I'm trying to not come off like an asshole here... just trying to help a fellow board member out.

bad04srt · Post by **bad04srt** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 6:21 pm

i didnt want to come across as a jerk and if i did im really sry.....i guess im just very convservative about this matter.....i never meant to be an ass so my apologies....this is one of the hardest decisions to make.....but if you are going to get an abortion (which i highly disagree w/)do it now.....the longer you wait the worse it will be.....i go to catholic school and we had to do an abortion project and after seeing some of those pictures.....still sends shivers down my spine

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 6:25 pm

pmd you neonpla

rOniN · Post by **rOniN** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 7:10 pm

I also agree with the military. It is the best way to get everything a young family would need. If you do keep the child I would also suggest not getting married. If you get married it will take away the single parent aspect financially. A single parent can get free college education and you need a college education for today's world. There are many tax breaks that are also geared toward single parents. By staying single and going into the military you would have living costs and education covered and that would be the best for the family.

Good luck with your choice.

Nick Drake · Post by **Nick Drake** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 7:38 pm

If it were my girlfriend and I, it'd be abortion. Even if we thought we were going to grow old together (which we do), a child will just ruin your life. It's way too early IMO to be a dad. But I know of a lot of people that have done it and ended up alright, it's all about you.

Clearly you two are open to the idea of an abortion, just get together and talk about it all. It's a verrrry serious thing.

And I didn't read any other replies because I didn't want to read anyone preaching so sorry if what I said has already been said. Don't let anyone pressure you into thinking something is bad. Look at it in terms of your own life, the pros and the cons.

Good luck bro.

TNK · Post by **TNK** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 7:53 pm

im staying totally away from this subject. im pro life and dont feel like getting into a big debate. i was adopted, and im all for adoption if you cant raise a kid yourself. so im staying totally out of this. although i do wish you luck.

Neonix · Post by **Neonix** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 8:30 pm

I'm Pro-Life, and that's as far as I'll get into that, as I have my own story about abortion that I don't really feel like sharing at the moment.

Really it comes down to this, it shouldn't matter what others opinions are, or what they would do in the situation. Especially this one. It should only matter what you and your g/f feel/want. It sounds like the abortion was really hard on your g/f. I myself could never do that. Even if the baby was a complete accident, and even in harsh situations such as rape, I wouldn't cut a life short because of it. But people shouldn't judge you because of your decision either. It seems as though you two, or even just her, feel it was a mistake, and that alone would be hard enough to live with, let alone people judging you.

Adoption is much better, there are so many couples out there who can't have children, imagine how grateful and happy it would make them to have a baby, even if it wasn't there own flesh and blood.

But I won't beat it into the ground as it's been said before in previous posts.

Regardless of what people say on here, think long and hard, and go with what your heart tells you two to do. As corny as that sounds. Good luck and sorry for the novel.

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 9:29 pm

thanks everyone for the advice, were gonna think for the next few weeks and get some options up and decide which will be best.

fixitmattman · Post by **fixitmattman** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:13 pm

jflkajfdlkadfajl;
jal;kfdja;lfa
jjklfdja;d

You were man enough to get your

wet, but not man enough to handle what could (or in this case AGAIN) did happen.

Bloody hell, you would have thought the first time would have been a clue.

Finish your highschool, get a job and have fun working to pay for a kid. Or if you're nuts work, kid, and college.

Man, no thinking ahead with todays kids....

Post by **Diablo0** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:17 pm

I'm not getting into Pro-Life vs Pro-Choice but personally if it were me since she was very broken up over the abortion the last time and doesn't want to go through it again, have the child but if you think you can't afford it or the well being of the child is better off with someone else, not saying you two would be bad parents or anything b/c i don't know you but you two are pretty young to have a child. The child may be better off being put up for adoption for families that really want to have children but can't. Factor in everything, the well being of the child, both of yours future having a child at your age... which is better? I'd for one though finish High School and don't drop out, thats something you'd regret doing later on in life

If you keep the child though, like you said #1 priority as well as your Girlfriend, those two are the up most importance in your life. Parents and whatnot are going to find out sooner or later, it's only a matter of time so it's best to start telling them now before they find out later and you get the whole "You knew how long and you didn't tell me!?!?!" That could get quite ugly

I dunno how the both of your parents are though but maybe they can help ya out and not shut you out to fend for yourself. I mean you're still in school, it'll be hard to pay for diapers, doctor bills, baby sitter, things like that... maybe yours or her parents could help out to make ends meet. Moving out though doesn't seem very good unless they're kicking you out, I'd be living at home for as long as you can to get yourself on your feet without having to worry about rent on top of other bills. No doubt keeping the child will be hard but hopefully if you talk it over with yours and her parents hopefully they'll see past being mad at the both of you and help. Her mom firing you seems rather heartless at this point if she knows all too well that you're going to need that money. Just hope you can get the support from family to get ya you through it at this point in your life.

If it were me, and I was in your situation at that age and in school... I'd put it up for adoption just for the well being of the child. Yah it'd be very hard to do but in looking out for whats best for him/her (the child) I think thats the best option and would make another couple that isn't able to have children very very happy. You two are still young and in school with your future ahead of you with college. Wait until you're established, finished with school, have a good paying job to be able to support a child and well, pretty much a family, then start thinking about that. Having a child at that age, while it may seem harsh to say it, sorta throws a wrench into the gears of life if you were wanting to go to college and then have a family later on when you and her can better afford it. Like I said, sounds harsh but thats just how it is

Thats just my opinion though, someone elses may be different from mine but thats just me...

I'd also ask, was that amount of time in the sack worth having to figure out all this now and worry about it? If it were me I'd say no but that thats just me

Avoid a frown, contain your clown

bad04srt · Post by **bad04srt** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:31 pm

jason is like 2gn's wise grandpa that anyone can go to for advice.....jason is like our moses

Post by **Diablo0** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 10:41 pm

Yah I don't think so

There are a lot more people on here that can probably give better advice.

CrashTeam · Post by **CrashTeam** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:40 pm

My Girl was 17 when she found out she was pregnant. I was 19...
I offer this advice.
God Gave you a second chance to be a parent, it's obvious that you are met to have a child. My mother had an abortion, then not a few months later ended up pregnant with me. She always felt I was a second chance.
There was rough times when we found out ashlie was pregnant but I ended up making the mistake of marrying her right way. Since, our relationship deteriorated into a strong friendship, mainly for the sake of our daughter. So Try not to make any rash decisions, think everything through.
There will always be a way though, don't ever loose hope and faith. No matter how mad your parents may be, they will melt with love when they see there grandchild.
Just love your girl with every once of strength you have, pregnancy is very tough on a women, you will have to be at her beckon call.
Look on the bright side, you already have a great 4 door family cruiser and even better, women are 120% more horny during pregnancy and you no longer have to worry about protection!

I'm a glass is half full kinda person... Can't ya tell?

bad04srt · Post by **bad04srt** » Mon Dec 04, 2006 11:47 pm

^i think he has had the best answer so far....again im sry if i came across the wrong way and i really am quite sorry for offending anyone.....i've gone to catholic school since preschool so im obviously a little biased on this matter but i wish you the best and from someone who has been there myself.....i know its hard but dont rush a decision, but dont put it off.....god bless you and your family man and have a great holiday season

MyNeonSaysHi · Post by **MyNeonSaysHi** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:35 am

How do you know its your kid?

Also, since she got an abortion before and it made her really sad and emotional and she still remembers the pain,agony etc.. Maybe having a kid will make her feel so good and wash away what happened the first time? Now if she chooses to abort again, it will just make it worse on her physically and mentally IMO. Good luck with everything.

I hate being serious, its BORING.

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 12:53 am

Sorry, I know this isn't suppose to go this way.. but if you get an abortion you're a dick...
At the very least.. atleast put the baby up for adoption...

I say... finish highschool.. join the Air Force.....and you won't have to work nearly as hard as you do in the civilian world to support that baby at your age. Free medical.. you can't beat that... free tuition so you can continue schooling...

lvlistchif · Post by **lvlistchif** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:07 am

do you get all the same benfits w/e u do in the airforce?

NiteHawk · Post by **NiteHawk** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 1:57 am

I like several over members on this board are Pro-Life, but at the same time, I'm also Pro-Choice in teh fact that I, nor anyone else on this planet can judge your for your past, present, and future decisions. If you choose to have this one aborted, that's solely the decision of you and your girlfriend, and nobody else, and if anyone says or forces it one way or the other, they need to take a step back and go shove something where the sun dont shine...

Basically what i'm saying is, I say keep the child, and if need be, adoption is always a positive choice as compared to the death of that unborn child, but its up to you what you do. I will not judge you one way or the other, as that responsibility is only for God, and He only.

I've had a couple close calls and just the thought of the reprocussions have made me lightheaded and very scared, so I can only IMAGINE what you're going through right now.

Whatever your choice is, God Bless and good luck

AND FOR FUCKS SAKE MAN, USE MORE PROTECTION! look into the form of birth control that's inserted into her cervix...that seems to be teh MOST effective, and lasts for 5 or 10 years, no daily pills, no weekly patches, no quarterly injections, just one little "pill" theystick up there, thats it!

LowNSlow · Post by **LowNSlow** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:30 am

lvlistchif wrote:do you get all the same benfits w/e u do in the airforce?

No matter what you do... you get the benefits man.

You need to ask around.. and find a good recruiter in your area. I was lucky and got a good recruiter.. let me know everything straight up.. took me to basic training and even showed me it first hand before I signed up.

It's a good thing to do man.. weather you want to be a lifer an retire after 20 years.. or just be in for 4 or 6 years and do college... and get on your feet.

In your position it's a good step in the right direction.

bige1030 · Post by **bige1030** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:31 am

The big question is this: If having the pregnancy, and later, the child, causes negative consequences on your lives, would you guys be angry with the child? If so, strongly consider abortion or adoption...if that anger is uncontrolled, it could lead to physical or emotional abuse. If you guys think that you can manage, no matter what happens, without harboring anger against the child, then consider keeping the child after birth.

Do keep in mind all the possible negative consequences when thinking about this. I sense some worry in you about them, especially with the idea of her mom firing you guys. Who knows if that would be the worst parental reaction to the pregnancy. If it's a matter of pissing off the parents to the point of no forgiveness with the pregnancy itself...well, the question becomes terminate or keep the pregnancy?

But no matter what, get sexual health counseling! Regardless of her decision, she's going to be able to get pregnant again. You guys need to learn how to control when she does, so that you don't have a child when you're not ready, willing, and able to have one. Planned Parenthood can help you out with the sexual health counseling as well as the pregnancy decision. No matter what, though, the decision is in her (and your) hands.

TNK · Post by **TNK** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 2:52 am

my biological parents were 16 (mom) and 19 (dad) my dad ditched my mom when he found out she was pregnant, and she knew that she couldn't give me the life i deserved. my parents are the best i could ask for. they raised me as best as they could, adnm they are typical parents. worried. but always there to help/support when i need it. and i lvoe them for it. and i love my biological mother for it. i would say if you dont think you can raise a chi8ld, go adoption....

uh oh. i said i wasnt going to get involved... but look what a few beers do to me!

MoxHair · Post by **MoxHair** » Tue Dec 05, 2006 9:30 am

I'm Pro-Choise and I'm an Atheist, So i'm not going to get all spirtual about it.

Do what you must do, Abortion or Adoption..

But to correct this from happening again:

Stop Having SEX!

it's that easy! I've been with my Girlfriend for over 2 years, I'm 23 years old and make almost $50K a year and I dont want kids at this moment in my life.