I need some serious help from everyone, relationship stuff

Mopar65 · Post by **Mopar65** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 3:11 pm

Ok so here goes. My girlfriend broke it off with me last night and not a break or anything, like its over. He have been dating for little under 4 1/2 years. We meet when she was 13 and when I was 15. The first three years of our relationship were great.

When she got a job and college started for the both of us things began to change. We still had all the same fun we used to have and all that but we grew distant at times. I pretty much told her i wasn't sure of us and all this other stuff. The past year I have been an asshole on occasions more times than not.

The Sunday before Christmas we decided to take a break and I realized why I had treated her that way. I became comfortable and arrogant and thought i was too good essentially. She decided to give me a 2nd chance which lasted until this morning when she came over at about 12:30.

I know her better than any other person and she is the same with me. There was no yelling or fighting just a calm conversation. We still love each other very much, but she is unsure if she likes who i am. We have both changed, but essentially are the same people in all the important aspects.

It sucks that when I finally realize that i have been taking her for granted for so long, that she is what i really wanted all along. In the end she broke it off because she said she didn't want to be unfair to me when I was in it 100% and she was unsure. She said that she as unsure, then she said she was definite, and then she said that she feared she was making the biggest mistake of her life.

Needless to say it sounds like she is a little confused, which provides me with some hope that it isn't truly over and with some time she will miss us and realize i am what she wants, like how i want her.

She told me that she expected me to hate her, but in reality i love her so much that there is no way I can every hate her. I want what's best for her, but i feel that I am what's best for her.

We essentially grew up together and all the ambitions in life that I thought I had because i was self-motivated seem to mean nothing without her by my side as my girlfriend. I helped her get over her depression, I helped her with her family issues and all that other stuff.

I have saved all her letters and things from over the years and reading the most recent one from out 4 year anniversary I find hope. She talks about how one of the biggest things she loves about me is my ambitions and my passions, yet she said the opposite last night.

She knows me better than anyone else and the only person that I want to talk to about this is her because of our closeness. It hurts a lot right now, but I think with time she will come back and realize she still has those feelings.

So after all this reading it boils down to this, should i let her have her time and hope she figures it out which seems to make sense, or should i just call her and go see her and say fuck it, which is what i want to do like a mother fucker, but know it is probably not best.

1972demon · Post by **1972demon** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 3:19 pm

i say give her some space, but make sure you keep close, but not too close. If its meant to be it will all work out.

Danteneon · Post by **Danteneon** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:03 pm

When two people grow apart, it is sometimes a good idea to take a step back and both parties evaluate the relationship. If she does decide that this isn't what she wants, then it can't be forced to work.

MyNeonSaysHi · Post by **MyNeonSaysHi** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:05 pm

Needless to say it sounds like she is a little confused

They usually always are at that age.
Move on.
Seems like you are getting a bit emo over it since you are reading an old letter etc.
Get rid of everything she has given you that has no $value.
She probably found someone else.

hybrid-Srt2001 · Post by **hybrid-Srt2001** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:07 pm

give her space and time but let her know that you still care. If things are meant to work out they will. People constantly change, esp when you are at this age. I have been with a girl for 2.5 years and sort of the same thing is happening. It's all about growing up, figuring out what you want in a person and wether that person has what you are looking for. I can tell you this, if either of you are not satisfied now and dont truly want to make it work, it will fail miserably later.

theTeejmiester · Post by **theTeejmiester** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 4:30 pm

hybrid-Srt2001 wrote:give her space and time but let her know that you still care. If things are meant to work out they will. People constantly change, esp when you are at this age. I have been with a girl for 2.5 years and sort of the same thing is happening. It's all about growing up, figuring out what you want in a person and wether that person has what you are looking for. I can tell you this, if either of you are not satisfied now and dont truly want to make it work, it will fail miserably later.

troof right ther

FAC3L3SS · Post by **FAC3L3SS** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 5:50 pm

Almost all good advice. Don't start trashing the stuff she gave you. At the same time, don't sit around and dwell and reminisce (sp). Give her space, but stay in touch. My current girlfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years, and we've gone off and on. You know you both still care for each other, so don't automatically assume she's gone and forgotten you. Try to relax and do some things you enjoy. Don't forget about her, but don't swarm her and drive her nuts. Solid, consistent contact will help. Keep steady, and time will tell you what should happen.

hansken_yo · Post by **hansken_yo** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:36 pm

I just want to point out that you are still very young and have plenty of opportunity to figure shit out.

Good Luck either way yo.

Jenni · Post by **Jenni** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 6:51 pm

time for a new girlfriend
people grow up in different directions.
you both were VERY young.
and what was the same with 13 and 15 is now something completely different.
so you both should look forward and start the next period of your life!

don't worry, you will dry your tears and fall in love with another girl sooner as you may think now!

sidepipe87 · Post by **sidepipe87** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 7:44 pm

I'll be real here. I don't wanna come off like a dick, but you made it pretty clear you've been an asshole, so it's not hard to see why she broke up with you. That's unfair for her to put herself through all your bullshit. Granted, I don't know the extent of the situation but you said a few times you're fucking up. If you really want to be with her, you need to change. For real. You can't just say you're reformed then go back to being an a-hole. If she's worth it you'll change, otherwise you'll both move along. I hope it works for the best man.

silversport · Post by **silversport** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 8:11 pm

you change alot from like 18 to 22 and you both arent the same people you were when you guys fell for each other. honestly throw out all the stuff you had together and move on otherwise it will most likely only suck for you more. If you guys were ment to be together there wouldnt be any doubt and there would have been no breaks. plus theres plenty of fish in the sea. its good to be single for a while! some nights will suck but some nights will rock

chances are if you think you miss her you are actually missing what you had and not actually her. so go out and try and find a more compatible her

lilnicko11 · Post by **lilnicko11** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 8:49 pm

match.com

j/k

J-Villa · Post by **J-Villa** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:15 pm

Mopar00Neon · Post by **Mopar00Neon** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 10:57 pm

I got with my ex when I was 18 and she was 15. 5 years later, it didnt work. Theres still some hard feelings, but Im getting married in Oct. to someone who appreciates who I am and what I do.

When you're that young starting out, its not a matter of your feelings for one another, but the fact that you havent "lived" yet becomes an issue. In high school, and early on in college, there are parties to go to, people to meet, things to do, things to see..... its called life experience, and you just have to experience it; good, bad, or indifferent.

If you can stay in contact, by all means do it if it feels right. If not, then youll both move on, and itll be OK. Dont force things, that never works, for anyone involved.

Chibits12 · Post by **Chibits12** » Wed Dec 30, 2009 11:55 pm

Give it some time, I'm pretty sure things will work out since you've known her for a while now.

neonpla · Post by **neonpla** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 12:13 am

While you were being an ass to her some dude was probably comforting her, it looks like it's his turn now. Giver her space dont become a creepy stalker and shit might blow over.

Good luck dude and don't do anything stupid to your self or her, there is plenty of pussy in the world.

Mopar65 · Post by **Mopar65** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:08 am

I mean i did take for for granted, but please don't think im some huge tool bag or anything. It's difficult to explain everything about me if you haven't met me and I know that's true of everyone on here. She respects me enough to tell me if there is someone else, I know that for a fact. It's in her character and she wouldn't lie. But anyway thanks guys either way...

Midnight_Rider · Post by **Midnight_Rider** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 1:22 am

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't, they never were."- Richard Bach

This is an old cliche but very true IMO. Hope that this helps.

Mopar65 · Post by **Mopar65** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 2:57 pm

Midnight_Rider wrote:"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they're yours; if they don't, they never were."- Richard Bach

This is an old cliche but very true IMO. Hope that this helps.

Gramps very few things and comments have made me feel better about all this and now this is one of them. Thank you very much that really really helps.

MyNeonSaysHi · Post by **MyNeonSaysHi** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 3:23 pm

Gramps fTW!

Jenni · Post by **Jenni** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 5:19 pm

Gramps = Doctor Love!

Adionik · Post by **Adionik** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 6:44 pm

I took a "break" with my ex and we never got back together. My new GF is hotter and in every way better.

Shit...happens.

Of course it was almost a year after my ex till I found a GF.

Jenni · Post by **Jenni** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:33 pm

what was broken once - will never come back together without any scarfs!

a break will not solve the problems that grew up over all the time.

Even if people say "we wanna try a new start" - how should that work?
How should a new start work if they know eachother for a long time? Brain is no computer where you can delete some files and start with a backup.

And don't forget:

There is NO FEELING better in this life than to be head over heels in a brandnew love.

(Or what would you prefer: the old meal from yesterday's yesterday reheated in the microwave or freash and tasty???)

Mopar65 · Post by **Mopar65** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:46 pm

It also has nothing to do with sex or physical aspects. We are both waiting till marriage (flame all you want) its much more than that i mean she gets me better than anyone and she is my dream girl. We'll see how time heals things and all that shit

Jenni · Post by **Jenni** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:53 pm

Ooooh you are sooo sweet...

flame? okay you can have it!

Seriously: To wait till mariage is bullshit.
What if you notice then that you both are absolutely un-compatible???
Really - you are young and you should enjoy
your live and don't waste your time to much.

Maybe she is your dreamgirl. Now. But - who could know what comes next?

DodgeZ · Post by **DodgeZ** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 9:57 pm

I only read half of the first post..... just find a new girl, or alots of them. You are too young anyways.....

Jenni · Post by **Jenni** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 10:56 pm

DodgeZ wrote:or alots of them..

^^ this!!!!

neonpla · Post by **neonpla** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 11:57 pm

This is NeonPla's girlfriend. He mentioned this story to me while he was umm... "foruming" so I told him that a female perspective might help.

She either a) wants you to chase her b/c for the past year it has probably been the other way around and she has been chasing you (b/c you said that you didn't treat her very well) or b) she really does want her space. Give her a few days to really miss you, then call her and see how she is. If she seems distant or blatantly says that she does not want to talk just leave her alone. Don't grovel. If she's truly a bitch... just give her the

Hope this helps!!

Jenni · Post by **Jenni** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 1:55 am

Mopar65 wrote:It also has nothing to do with sex or physical aspects. We are both waiting till marriage (flame all you want) its much more than that i mean she gets me better than anyone and she is my dream girl. We'll see how time heals things and all that shit

My girlfriend brought me to another idea: you are a couple for more than 4 years and never had the idea just to jump on eachother? Could it be that your girlfriend broke with you cause she finally needs some action?
Really - you are a 20 year old virgin even if you are in a relationship?

Sorry - but i cannot translate in english how funny that is!

Dammit - you are young and that thing between your legs is not only made to let the water out.

That "no sex before marriage" thing is just a big stupid religious lie that makes no sense anymore in this times.
Sure 200 years ago it was absolutely okay: no pregnancy w/o a safe life with a husband who brings the income. But now?
Dammit - this is the 21st century, have fun!

neonpla · Post by **neonpla** » Fri Jan 01, 2010 12:55 pm

Whoa! Was not aware of the virginity status.

BANG HER! Seriously. It will help.

From,

NeonPla's Girlfriend