Monday Morning Madness

kc2005ptgt · Post by **kc2005ptgt** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 11:10 am

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf layout became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he as playing.

She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf. On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request.

She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play. He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession. I'm in sales, also. What do you sell?"
She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."
"No, I won't."
"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."
With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.
She said, "See I knew you would laugh."
"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you!"

03sxt · Post by **03sxt** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 11:23 am

OB · Post by OB » Mon Apr 10, 2006 11:36 am

hahahahaha

Paralyzer · Post by **Paralyzer** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 11:40 am

caustic neon · Post by **caustic neon** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 12:13 pm

lmao, but then im going on like 3 hours of sleep.

MyNeonSaysHi · Post by **MyNeonSaysHi** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 12:18 pm

Great joke keep em comin!

moparknighthawk · Post by **moparknighthawk** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 4:24 pm

Didn't see that one coming.

JRM · Post by **JRM** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 6:08 pm

An Irish woman of advanced age visited her physician
to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.

"What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.

"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin."

"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Give him an
Irish Viagra. Drop it into his coffee. He won't even
taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let
me know how things went."

It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly
inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Oh, faith,
bejaysus and begorrah! T'was horrid. Just terrible, doctor!"

"Really... what happened?" asked the doctor.

"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his
coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up,
with a twinkle in his eye, and with his pants a-bulging fiercely!
With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying,
ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there,
making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the
tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute
nightmare!"

"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the
sex your husband provided wasn't good"?

"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed!
'Twas the best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as
I'm sittin' here, I'll never be able to show me face
in Starbucks again".

Post by **Diablo0** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 6:40 pm

Both of those were great!!! Thanks for the good laugh

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying
at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.

told you so ......And there's nothing you can do about it!

JRM · Post by **JRM** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 6:51 pm

Here's another:

My wife left me.

I don't understand. After the last child was born, she told me we had to cut back on expenses, I had to give up drinking beer. I was not a big
drinker, maybe a 12-pack on weekends. Anyway, I gave it up, but the other day, when she came home from shopping and I looked at
the receipt and saw $45 in makeup, I said, "Wait a minute. I've given up beer and you haven't given up anything!"

She said, "I buy that makeup so I can look pretty for you."

I told her, "Hell, that's what the beer was for!"

I don't think she'll be back....

Post by **Diablo0** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 6:53 pm

HAHAHHA NOICE!

scneonchic · Post by **scneonchic** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 8:09 pm

HAHAHAHA thats awesome!!!

03sxt · Post by **03sxt** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 8:12 pm

Diablo0 wrote:How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying
at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.

told you so ......And there's nothing you can do about it!

BAH! That's frustrating! I almost got it once, though!

OB · Post by OB » Mon Apr 10, 2006 8:15 pm

Diablo0 wrote:

Both of those were great!!! Thanks for the good laugh

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying
at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.

told you so ......And there's nothing you can do about it!

I can outsmart my foot.

scneonchic · Post by **scneonchic** » Mon Apr 10, 2006 8:33 pm

03sxt wrote:
Diablo0 wrote:How Smart is Your Right Foot?

This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And you will keep trying
at least 50 more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.

1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and
make clockwise circles.

2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right
hand. Your foot will change direction.

told you so ......And there's nothing you can do about it!
BAH! That's frustrating! I almost got it once, though!

same here...didnt work too well. Im not too coordinated as it is